Skate Sistas, X-woMEN & Genetic Mutation

Posted on January 16, 2011 by

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Em, Erica and I have just found out we’re related, how freaky is that?!  In spite of having completely different parents it seems we share similar genetic qualities making us skate sistas!

You may have heard of recent advances made in DNA and genetic research, well a new genetic species has been discovered.  Science tells us this species is a mutation of normal DNA of the human, homo sapien, and is known as femina sapien rota (translates to “girls on wheels”).  The mutation can occur at any age but seems to be more prevalent in females over the age of 20.

Like the Rob Liefeld’s, X-MEN, those with this genetic mutation have the uncanny ability to seek out other persons with the same gene. They travel in packs of two or three with their itsy bitsy doggies and their teeny weeny tees.  No wait, that’s a ‘stupid girls’…  They do actually travel in packs of two or more but have been known to roll solo while evolving and until they find a pack to merge with. 

 

X-woMEN

 

Seeking the Ultimate Roll

These creatures are very approachable although, if harassed, may perform aggressive actions such as hip checks or shoulder slams in defence.  In addition, they have an amazing combination of agility, speed, endurance and are fearless so it is best not to aggravate them.

In everyday life you may not immediately recognise the femina sapien rota as, like a chameleon, she disguises herself and blends in with normal society.  However, once she is in her familiar environment she is easy to identify by her distinctive wheel clad feet, protective armour and her clothing that is a little more alternative and eccentric than everyday attire.

While expensive and invasive, genetic testing can be undertaken to determine if you too have the mutated gene, the mutation can also easily be detected by self analysis.  Below is an examination tool to assist you in determining whether you possess the mutated gene and have evolved to a higher species femina sapien rota (or even a homo sapien rota for males).

Typical traits of the femina sapien rota are:

1. OSD symptoms (see previous entry: International OSD Awareness Day)
2. Deem your skates to be the pièce de résistance of your shoe collection.
3. Strong desire to discuss roller derby with anyone who’ll stand still long enough.
4. Can only be soothed in times of trauma by putting 8 wheeled shoes on.
5. Regard bruises and grazes, not as blemishes, but as badges of honour.
6. Possess a belief that any dispute can be resolved on a derby track.
7. Feel naked without knee pads yet consider fishnets and briefs to be “fully dressed”.
8. Consider the WFDTA Rules their “bible”.
9. Make sacrifices of time and energy as gifts to an unidentified skate deity.
10. 95% of facebook updates relate to skating or roller derby.
11. Have a social calendar that revolves around your skate schedule.
12. Owns (or are friends with someone who owns) a copy of the Roller Derby Workout DVD.
13. Consider “Whip It” to be a piece of cinematic mastery.

 

Stilleto vs Pièce de Résistance

Badge of Honour

If you receive a score of greater than 10 out of 13 as a result, it is highly probable you are a mutant and are part of the newly evolved femina sapien rota genus.

Welcome to the family!

(Please use any mutation with care and consult your GP if symptoms persist!)

These genetic mutants sole purpose is to seek and conquer.  In the summer months they are often seen outdoors basking in the sunshine while seeking the ultimate roll in the form of smooth bitumen paths or conquering steep, adrenaline generating, hills.  In the cooler months they hibernate indoors and can be found at skate rinks, gymnasiums or in their own hallways performing and perfecting moves such as knee slides, booty blocks, jumps and fancy turns.

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Posted in: LimboLand