RollerCon – A Quadzilla Crush!

Posted on September 12, 2011 by


Las Vegas is crazy, loud and dazzlingly brilliant – just like RollerCon.

I attended as a roller derby wannabe.  A starry-eyed hopeful, an aussie chick on wheels hoping to return home with mad skills and a burning desire (and ability) to hip check the world off my track!

Once I figured it out how to navigate the class booking system I got to do some brilliant stuff and had the benefit of instruction from some awesome derby legends.  My personal favourites were Punk N. Da’Trunk, a chick with a gutsy attitude and a hair style like Pink and the awe inspiring Quadzilla.

My all time favourite class was run by Quadzilla who is rather sexy, muscle-bound, derby legend.  He is also a PHENOMENAL skater, I think he may have been born with wheels on, I’m not even sure he can walk!  If you don’t believe me – check this!!

Not only did he provide me with ample eye-candy for the session but he was a brilliant instructor.  What he doesn’t know, isn’t worth knowing.  He’s tough and authoritarian and takes no crap but is also fair, firm and encouraging.  Intimidating?  Yes.  To be honest I nearly rolled out in the first 5 minutes after his opening speech!

“You don’t stop for a drink, unless I tell you.
You don’t stop for a rest, unless I tell you.
You will not plough or t-stop – tomahawks only. On a derby track you need to stop FAST. You will start to make that habit here, today.
And you WILL NOT speak while I am.”

A pair of chicks tested this last rule.  This resulted in everyone, but them, having to stay in a low squat position as Quadzilla grilled them on the nature of their conversation.  The two culprits reluctantly explained their important discussion, of their new derby shorts, while subjected to the burning intensity of the glares of their 40 fellow workshop participants who legs burned and shook.  NOBODY spoke after that!

The hour flew and I didn’t die in spite of only two 45 second drink breaks (I kid you not, he timed us!).  We learned a lot about directional changes, where to look while in a pack, how to bluff and how to “confuse” your opposition.  I’d go into detail but then you’d know all my new secrets!!

If only I could be trained regularly by him, I too could be a derby legend! Sigh… A new fantasy to add to the growing list!

I’d love to hear from anyone else who has had a “Quadzilla experience”!  In the meantime, visit here to read more on the infamas Quadzilla!  Or google him, he’s also known as Mo Sanders and Barak O’Trauma!

Posted in: RollerCon