Bully vs nemesis: nemesis wins every time

Posted on October 28, 2014 by


Here is a table that sets out the key differences between a bully and a nemesis:

Trait Bully  Nemesis
Entering into the relationship Chooses you – non-consensual relationship Choose each other – consensual relationship
Characteristics Does not have the necessary intelligence to reflect on own behaviour Shares your sense of humour and intelligent enough to criticise you in a way that makes you laugh
Contribution to relationship Puts most energy in, which is a shame considering their attention is unwanted Each party contributes equal amount of time plotting their next move
Polygamy It is possible for your bully to recruit others and for them to “gang up” on you. Highly unpleasant experience You can have many nemeses, each relationship unique and fulfilling in its own way (personally, I prefer just one so that I can give her my full evil attention)
Exiting the relationship Gets bored of picking on you and moves on (or perhaps you have mediation and they realise their behaviour is unacceptable) Most likely to morph into a friendship with delicious remnant witticisms

I am very proud to introduce you to my nemesis. Her name is Pixie Nyx. I knew her for a long time before committing to the nemesis relationship. However, by the time we reached that stage it felt natural.

Photo taken from Facebook - note photographer watermark

Photo taken from Facebook – photographer’s page here

I’d say it was me who “proposed” by picking on her relentlessly during a bout in 2013. However, our mutual status as nemeses was cemented after I sent in a “grievance” email complaining about her trying to deny me the status as shortest member of the league.

October 2012 - we both dressed as Alice

October 2012 – we both dressed as Alice

Her response was a thing of beauty and with that our relationship was taken to an exciting new level of humorously vindictive behaviour.

September 2013, on the track together. Note her gazing at me in admiration

September 2013, on the track together. Note her gazing at me in admiration

I think our relationship both reached a peak and took a turn during the last bout however.

I’ll tell you the story from my perspective:

About halfway through the first period, I was skating when I heard someone yell out “You suck, Eve!” I was a bit taken aback and told my bench about it. They asked me who yelled it but I wasn’t wearing my glasses so couldn’t see who was sitting in that area.

It played on my mind. I remember during a time out on the track, Neilzzz was lined up in front of me (he’s a Medic scum but also my friend). I told him about it and he told me not to worry, whoever it was must just be jealous.

(Neil) Wise by name, wise by nature?

(Neil) Wise by name, wise by nature?

At half time, I skated over to get a hug from my Medic scum boyfriend, Union Smack. I told him about it and he got a bit riled up on my behalf. Then we skated slowly past that part of the crowd looking for the horrible person. As soon as I saw Pix (the slacker didn’t make attendance to play; some wank about finishing off her Honours), the pieces fell into place and I cracked up laughing.

Here’s the story from Pix’s perspective (made up by me and not run past her for accuracy):

I didn’t make attendance for the last bout because I’m on a daft mission to write my Honours on climate change when everyone knows that coal is the true friend of humanity. Anyway, I went to watch the last bout. I probably only made it in the nick of time as I devoted way too much time to building the perfect red and white polka dotted outfit. I looked adorable, which is ironic given my true nature.

My nemesis was playing in the game so I devoted a substantial amount of my time and mental energy coming up with witty insults, none of which she appeared to hear or appreciate.

At halftime, my nemesis confided in me that she had played half the period upset and wanting to go home because she thought someone was genuinely abusing her in the crowd. I felt bad.

Anyway, apparently Pix spent the second half yelling out compliments such as “you look great in green” and “your hair looks lovely today”, which I didn’t hear and probably would’ve been creeped out about if I did.

We discussed our situation after the game (yes, communication is important in any relationship – even between nemeses) and decided we would stick to compliments for a while but we’d say them in sarcastic tones so as to retain the adversarial nature of our relationship.

All time favourite nemeses Warren: "We're your arch nemesis-es. You may've beaten us this time, Slayer. But next time... Umm... next time..." Jonathan: "Maybe not!"

All time favourite nemeses
Warren: “We’re your arch nemesis-es. You may’ve beaten us this time, Slayer. But next time… Umm… next time…”
Jonathan: “Maybe not!” source

You’ll be happy to hear that our relationship was not affected in the long term and lately we’ve been back to snide insults. (We do say nice things to each other, of course – just never publically. That’s what PM is for!)

After reading all this, you’re probably thinking “how do I get myself a nemesis?” Well then, please follow the flowchart I’ve put together on sourcing your very own nemesis.

selecting a nemesis

Posted in: LimboLand